Romance: Dating Your Spouse in the Marriage

Is dating a part of your marriage? Or did you forgo dating after you got married?

Dating your spouse after you are married should continue and be a life essential in your relationship.

Introduction:

In this post, we will cover dating your spouse, getting to know them, and ways to bond. But, before we dive into this pleasurable subject, let’s look at and define a few words, and recall how dating was before marriage. And the conclusion of the matter.

Here’s how the dictionary describes marriage, romance, and dating:

Marriage noun

1. the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).

Romance noun

1. a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
2. a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.

Dating Wikipedia

• Dating is a stage of romantic relationships whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a future intimate relationship.

These definitions bring a bit of clarity and can be a resource to refer to.

Although Wikipedia does not reference dating your spouse after you have married, dating is vitally important to a healthy marriage.

Before you said “I Do” – Courtship and Wooing

Like clockwork, most emphasis is put on the courtship and wooing the person during the dating phase, and then dating appears to be taboo for some couples after the honeymoon. Dating tends to disappear and become non-essential. It’s like an “I’ve got you now” syndrome.

Think about the time and effort spent in searching for “the one”.

You may have several “dates” before you find your one and only. Some of which are set up by friends or family members and through dating apps. This can be a fun experience or a rather daunting one. You date, you break up, you move on to the next person, and then finally…ecstasy! Your true love manifests.

So then, you may date exclusively, get engaged, and have a great courtship. You know without a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person you want to wake up to and spend the rest of your life with.

It’s official.

The wedding date is set, and the planning was hectic yet fun and exciting.

The wedding is a success! Everything feels like a fairytale. A dream comes true.

The next phase: The wedding and honeymoon are long gone, so now what?

Many couples do not have a clue about what will happen in their marriage after the wedding is over. They are filled with questions and the unknown. The idea of what they would like their marriage to look like and the reality of it are different. Philosophies and expectations must be discussed. Couples counseling is a great investment before the wedding.

Be confident in having an awesome marriage and work at it. There are numerous couples with wonderful, healthy marriage relationships. Allow the Holy Spirit to be your guide in yours.

If your mind is racing with questions like, will there be ongoing romance? What about dating? The answer is yes, but only if you make it a part of your marriage.

Habits Form

Unsurprisingly, once a couple is married, starts having children, and gets in a rut of day-to-day rituals they tend to remove themselves from the “I am important too” to-do list.

Place a value on you. Do not lose yourself and your connection with your spouse. Put simple measures in place, like adding yourself to a reminder calendar. Schedule those dates. Dedicate time for yourself and make your marriage relationship a priority.

Romance?

There may be many scenarios that come to mind when you think of romance, like love, alone time, gifts, etc.

Romance in a marriage is more than sending or receiving flowers, walks in the park, or a candlelight dinner. Or whatever your mind can come up with to say you are being “romantic”. These gestures are romantic, but can they be classified as romance? Keep reading.

Dating?

Think back on your most memorable date. Were you scrolling on your cell phone or were you feeling a sense of euphoria and engaged in a deep conversation?

Dating requires engagement and connection. Be sure to classify before leaving the house. Are you going for a bite to eat or is it an actual date? Know the difference.

Make your date exclusive. Invitation only. No kids or cell phones are allowed.

Commit to Learning Your Spouse

Dating allows you to stop what you are doing and take a break from the normal day-to-day. Make good use of your private time to dote, listen and study.  

Ongoing conversations and communication are key in a marriage. Genuinely be present and tuned in to one another’s feelings and needs.

Romance is the action of showing your spouse that you truly see and hear them. It’s a desire to get acquainted and know them more intimately. If you have ever acquired knowledge to be better at a thing, then understand that you must practice and become a lifelong learner of your spouse. Whether you have been married a few weeks or you’ve been married for many years, make romance and dating an essential part of your marriage.

When we want to know who God is and have a close relationship and fellowship with Him what do we do? We spend time with our Creator. To cultivate any relationship, we must spend time with that person. Marriage is no different. Get to know him. Get to know her. Devote time, communicate, and put in the effort.

You are only married here on earth so make it enjoyable. Marriage can be fun, exciting, and rewarding if you allow it to be.

Communication and Interaction

Husbands and Wives

Take note when you are having a casual conversation, on your dates, or having a disagreement. Women experience words. Men hear words. God created us differently and we must understand the dynamics in which God made the male and the female.

Touch

Physical touch is extremely important in a relationship and during your date. It helps to center you and keep you engaged with your spouse. There are so many distractions that can interfere with your alone time. Cell phones, people watching, and mind wandering to name a few. A touch on the hand, holding hands, kissing, interlocking arms, and a hug are ways to keep you captivated throughout your date. These are bonding moments. You bond through physical touch.

Did you know you could touch, not say a word, and send a message? Touch can help develop your well-being.

Give each other goosebumps. Touch in the car, while watching a movie, passing each other in the hallway, in the bed, at the dinner table, in the grocery store, and even in the kitchen. Whenever and wherever, find a way to make eye contact and physical touch.

Create a Date Jar

Make it a date. Now don’t panic. This does not have to be something long and drawn out, however, get creative with it. If one or the other does not want to participate and likes the idea of just winging it, then stick with the system that works best for you and your spouse.

When creating your date jar write out a list of things the two of you enjoy doing together. There will be instances where you may have to push through the “I don’t like” factor and try something new with your spouse. Check out Pinterest, Google, and YouTube for more ideas. Make it unique for the two of you.

Derick and I have two date jars, one for trip planning and one for dates. We typically go out once or twice a week during the day to explore and hang out. Occasionally we may pull from the jar or choose a location based on what we have talked about during our pillow talk.

To Sum it Up:

Being romantic and dating your spouse is fascinating. You know yourself, but when you get married, you can get to know and explore a whole new person. Their quirks, their sense of humor, their reason for being, and who God created them to be. It’s a one-to-one learning session.

Unfortunately, I have seen couples out to dinner and one person would be on their cell phone and the other reading papers. This is not a date!

As you draw closer to the Lord, and grow in your marriage, you will begin to be on one accord and in harmony with one another. Gradually, the Lord will begin to reveal to you your marriage purpose. You will not get to this level of intimacy without purposefully putting in time, effort, and dedication to the Lord and your spouse.

As for me, I enjoy laughing, joking, and creating memories with my husband, Derick. Dating and continuing to study each other is a necessary part of our relationship.

My prayer and desire are that all marriages be celebrated and not just tolerated. Blissful and embracing. Fun and exciting. Playful and risqué.  

Here are a few pictures of two places we visited on one of our date day outings:

Crumbl Cookies and Freeman Mill Park

Click here for 10 simple, fun date ideas to do with your spouse.